Dear reader + potential donor,
 
We’ve fired our negotiators. After signing on to a 23-stop European tour through Germany, Switzerland, the Czech Republic, and the Netherlands, we have just learnt that our very humble, totally reasonable rider demands will not be met!  

Who can’t source gold laced and diamond-encrusted, 1,000,000 thread count matching purple sheets, towels and robes?  
Who can’t breed special purple cows and make us proper purple lederhosen?
Who can’t hire 5 spa-installed stretch limousines and a food truck cheffed by Nigella?!?

We are as dumbfounded as you, dear reader - this is a matter of national pride! Tomatoes could be thrown in the face of our nation, if one of its greatest all-star bands is seen slumming it through Europe on a shoestring! Thus, we humbly seek your assistance.

We have blown our budget on the new EP, organising the tour, and getting ourselves the 15,000 kilometres to Berlin. We need your mighty Australian dollars, dear reader, to avoid the international scandal of being discovered wrestling gruel from Dickensian orphans.

Will you abide some smug British reporter describing Adelaide as the place where rockstars are paupers, and the donut is a recent phenomenon? Or will you donate, to fill our stories with legends (and our bellies with sustenance)?

For those who would support us on this adventure, we offer the chance to live vicariously through us for five weeks...and we solemnly pledge to fill each day with all the luxury, excess and scandal that your sweet, sweet cash can facilitate.

And the best bit is, we'll capture all of it, so you can feel a part of the adventure too! 

Yours in love,
Pimpin’ Horus

Our previous work

OK. We're gonna start with the absolute necessities.

We require only $500 to procure custom-made purple satin Pimpin' Horus robes.

This way, at least the majority of stuff our skin will come into contact with on tour will be the luxury we so readily deserve.

As you'll surely agree, however, the robes are the bare minimum. Pretend you're in a fish n' chip shop - why settle for minimum chips? Get yourself a dim-sim, you deserve it. Crab stick, seafood stick - whatever you call it, chuck one in the fryer. Damn straight you'll take a pineapple fritter. Might as well add a potato cake in there too. Ooh, and a butterfish...

You get the drift, right? If we overfund this baby, here's the extra cool stuff we'll do:

$1000%20 : The classic M&M's Rock'n'Roll rider - we'll get 2 *special* venue staff to colour-code our 1,000 backstage M&M's. In keeping with tradition, the brown ones will be 'disposed of'...

$1500%20 : An all-lycra early morning aerobics session with a militant German instructor. The session isn't over until somebody faints, vomits, or faints into their vomit.

$2500%20 : We'll hire a limousine and cruise the city's most exclusive hotspots, inspiring intrigue and envy as we sip champagne, point at things out of the sunroof, and exercise our rudimentary Germany skills by inviting onlookers to our shows (which are invariably on the seedier side of town).

$3000%20 : We'll smash a TV with a guitar. We'll probably feel guilty about it, and it'll probably be quite awkward. But we'll do it because we love you.

$4000%20 : There's a special town in south-west Germany called Baden Baden. It's literal translation is Bath Bath. We'll pay a special visit to Baden Baden for facials, pedicures and some creative manscaping on a day off.

$10,000%20 : We'll hire a luxury penthouse apartment and throw the best damn party 5 guys with no friends or local contacts have ever thrown!

Remember, as with any good smorgasbord, you can come back again and again - so please donate for as many rewards as take your fancy.