I will post whatever you want as my status on my Facebook page

- Shaking Hands with Danger Official Condom - One signed copy of my Best of CD

- A personalised, hand-written vegan recipe sent in the post - One signed copy of my Best of CD

- I will read up on your favourite topic and attempt a conversation with you about it on Skype - One signed copy of my Best of CD

- I will come to your house and do a kick-flip (Melbourne only or London/Edinburgh post July 21st). I get 3 attempts. - One signed copy of my Best of CD

- I will go to the cinema with you to see the film of your choice (Melbourne only or London/Edinburgh post July 21st) - One signed copy of my Best of CD

- Get your friends together and I will come to your house and perform 5 mins of stand-up. No heckling. (Melbourne only or London/Edinburgh post July 21st) - One signed copy of my Best of CD

- I will cook you dinner* in your home followed by a 10 min stand-up performance. Heckle as much as you like, you've paid $1000 (any Oz city (but not Perth) or London/Edinburgh post July 21st) - One signed copy of my Best of CD *please note it will be vegan as this is something I am currently trying.

- I will come to your workplace and set up a kissing booth- where I will spend an hour kissing all the staff. No tongues. - One copy for the organiser of my Best of CD

- Fly you and 3 friends to the Gold Coast to do all the major amusement parks with me in a day (Australia only) - (1 night's accommodation, park entries and travel covered) - This will be after I get back from the UK, your choice as to when in the summer (Nov 2013-Jan 2014) - One signed copy of my Best of CD (and 3 for your friends)

Join me in Edinburgh! - 1 return ticket from Australia, a week's accommodation (can't guarantee it will be 5 star), a ticket to the live show, a FREE venue pass so you can check out all the shows you'd like AND get you in to the members' bars to meet more famous comedians than me. I'll probably buy you a beer and some haggis. It’ll be wild - I'm not able to arrange visas, food or transfers etc. I wouldn't trust me to, to be honest - Oh and a signed copy of my Best of CD